Categories
2024 – Winter

Letters from a legion soldier to his wife

Author: Nikita A. Ivanov

This is day 234 of war, I think…The days are hard to keep count of. The incessant screaming is like background music. We are stuck amidst this crisis between good and evil. Going to work every day is not a blessing. I have lost many friends, you make them as fast as you lose them here. We are the country side of Ukraine, it’s “safer” here. The village I am stationed at is ridden with the smell of death. In the age of quantum computation and the multiverse theory this all seems so futile. Yet we prevail in the name of glory…I just hope this will end one day. This is killing me but I am killing others, for what?

This rage I feel, I let it out on the anti-aircraft guns we are provided with knowing well that a soul is lost if I hit the plane. My colleagues are even crazier then me. They drink bleach and shoot the enemy by day, smoke by night, telling tails of a simpler life they had whilst bombs and lost bullets fall in the distance.

Luckily, Alison is safe at home with you, my precious little angels. She is a fighter, literally. I met a general by chance on a week I was able to escape from this dreadful situation. I taught her how to fight, she even went up against the general or at least someone who claimed to be it. We met him in a bar in Switzerland, while I was on vacation. The man was a coward…got beaten up easily by a 20 year old girl, thinking he was the king of the world. Probably had an ego complex or something thinking he could win against our daughter. Nevertheless it was a fun encounter, we got drunk and just let our problems at the door. We did talk about one subject that stuck with me, patience is key. He told me удачи тебе and we went our separate ways.

This letter might get to you but everything is so uncertain right now. In this darkest hour always remember this. Failure is not fatal, it’s the courage to continue that counts. I think it was some bloke who said this during the second war. Even though in this case, one shot in the right place may mean that I will never see you again.

Stay strong my tulip,
Leonard

Categories
2024 – Winter

Embracing the Abyss

Author: CT

Can you understand my sweet song? Are you even able to hear me? Do you know that, like you, I roam the vast seas? My best friends are clownfish, I talk to sharks, and I accompany green turtles as they lay their eggs. Ethereal jellyfishes and witty baby dolphins play with me. From the shallows to the tides, waves hold no secrets from me. This marine universe enchants me, and I sing its wonders.

But at the moment the ocean’s magic leaves me indifferent, another spell drives me. For several moons, I witness your fishing attempts, the sleep you cannot get, the words you scribble… I wish I could help you. I wish I could tell you that I am there, that I am watching over you. Not only that, but I can carry you away from your torment. Trust me, I can take you to the shore. You are slowly passing away, I watch you fade… I cannot force you to follow me. They forbid me to touch you. I think I remotely – love you.

Your strength inspires me. You are so pretty, so lonely… The waves carry around your orange raft. If only I could talk to you, you would know that you are loved by a fish woman. And suddenly, you throw a bottle in the sea:

Message in a Bottle

Rocked by the foam,

Moved by the mist,

In the endless sea I roam –

I cannot resist.

The emptiness of the abysses

Dresses me in its vices.

But my ship just sails,

Refuses to join the ocean’s entrails…

What a pitiful odyssey…

I am lost at sea.

Where is the shore?

The green grass I adore?

Far from any light,

I fight through the night.

I shine with my last glow,

And send the missive below:

You’ll find in my lines

A testimony of my last sunshines,

A desperate donation,

To Poseidon.

No matter if I cannot decipher your encapsulated words, I want to free you. Your distress hits, no matter the language. Your pain shatters me. Drawn by courage and pity, I reach your coral vessel and pull myself to the deck. You scream when I appear. Wide-eyed and breathless, you stare at me. I am shaking as much as you are but I timidly offer you my hand. Your emerald eyes roam over my anatomy: they observe my shiny chest, and they question my flamboyant feminine features. They meet my ruby pupils, then they follow the curves of my pearly hair. They, finally, gaze at my iridescent scales, that long azure fin that sets me apart from you. Emotions cross your fiery face; I recognise surprise, fear and hope… Perhaps even a glimmer of desire? Suddenly, you snap out of your contemplation, you gather your last strengths, and you run into my arms. Your legs around my tail, your heart against mine, I drag you down with me. We let the ocean host our tender embrace.

Too bad for Poseidon!

I received an unexpected aid – 

I was freed by a Mermaid,

Thanks to Cupid alone!

Comments by the jury:

“This is an original story in both format and in the narrative form. I love that the POV is from the point of the mermaid and enjoyed the twist.”

“I found the format very original and interesting, it piques curiosity, and the poem (message) included was so lovely. I also appreciated the originality of the p.o.v, I didn’t expect to read something like that at all, it’s such a great turn on the usual mythical takes!”

Categories
2024 – Winter

Something Forgotten

Author: Amélie My-Linh Dauban

It had been a long time since she had not felt such a peaceful feeling in her heart. In the past weeks – no, in the past months – she had been so disconnected from herself, from the world around. She was walking from place to place, moving from task to task, like a sleepwalker, robotically doing what she was expected to, without even wondering if she liked it. All that mattered was to get the job done. Perform well academically, exercise daily, fake a smile, overwork herself, pretend she was doing fine, that she wasn’t tired, pretend she didn’t care. But maybe that was in fact the problem. Maybe she forgot how to care. She was so caught up in her exhausting routine that she was not seeing the world around. As if she had become empty, soulless, a creature made of void and darkness, barely looking human from afar.

And yet, for the first time, she felt something. At last. She had returned to her hometown, where all her happy memories lie. Her parents’ warmth, her cosy house, her messy room, but above all, above everything, the forest nearby, where she would wander for hours during long walks and runs. The place where her heart truly lies.

She took a long breath. The air was cold, smelling like wet leaves and rain. She let it fill her lungs, then watched it twirl in a foggy cloud of smoke. A little smile stretched her lips. She looked around. No sign of civilisation to be seen. Only a cathedral of trees, throwing their arms towards the sky in a vain attempt to reach the stars. The leaves were playing a soft melody together with the wind, upon which the birds sang. Of all the music in the world, it was her favourite symphony.

Raising her eyes, she gazed at the orange sun disappearing behind treetops, painting the sky in shades of pink, yellow and turquoise. The grass was already covered in frost, even though it was not winter yet. On the floor lay a carpet of brown and golden leaves, resting in peace after a warm and green summer. It was freezing, foggy, mysterious. Light was slowly decreasing, creating quite a spooky atmosphere.

Yet, the girl was not afraid. On the contrary, she had never felt freer than here, alone among the trees. Overwhelmed by a sudden burst of joy, she started to run and jump and dance. Why walk in a straight line at a constant pace? As if life was constant and straightforward. As if the human mind was constant and straightforward. It was not, her heart was a hurricane, and she could not hold it in any longer, she had to let it out, express the winds shaking her, carrying her like a bird flying on hot airstreams.

She felt so lucky to be alive… The forest was her castle, her queendom, her only home. She started running faster, she was one with the wind, she was one with nature, with the world, with herself. For the first time since what seemed to be for her an eternity, she felt like she belonged.

And suddenly, it did not seem to matter to be the strongest, the wittiest, the most knowledgeable in the room, wherever she’d go. All she wanted, all she had ever wanted was to be happy and free. To exist without a purpose, for the simple joy of being there, in the moment. 

Slowing down, she paused a second to recover her breath, ecstatic. The first stars were illuminating the sky, alongside the dazzling moon. Suddenly, she saw something move in the bushes. She held her breath. An animal? Trying hard to not make any noise, she walked closer. Quietly, a red hairy head came out of the leaves. A fox! She could barely contain her excitement. The creature calmly walked by before disappearing again, closely followed by its fluffy tail. It felt like magic, truly.

Full of these forgotten core feelings, the girl started heading back to her house. She better get home before it got dark! Now she knew she was the same as the child who would go on tremendous adventures in these woods, finding wonder behind every trunk, magic in every leaf that falls. She was still the same as the girl who would enjoy a comforting hot chocolate after a hike with her parents, still the same as the little wooden elf she imagined herself to be when she was little. Her heart belonged to the forest, and never had it beaten louder than in this very moment. She knew who she was, and she was by far enough as she was. No need to prove her worth. She was the daughter of the wind, and her fate was to live forever free.

Comments by the jury:

“I admired the protagonist’s bravery and was pleased it was rewarded.”

“The use of several adjectives in a row is, in my opinion, a very lovely way of describing things, and the use of punctuation in general rendered the thinking process quite wonderfully.”

Categories
2024 – Winter

This soup has a doggy taste!

Author: Erika Castrillón Morales

[Content warning: animal sacrifice]

Every April, we climbed the mango tree. It was on the terrace of the house I grew up in. Green-yellowed leaves decorated its arms, but the mangoes were always late, or they never arrived. We climbed and played in its branches, hoping not to fall. I used to slide my little fingers through the crackered bark to peel the cortex. If you were lucky enough, you could make tiny balls with the tree’s resin to play with. All the kids in the neighborhood loved that tree. Every one of us had a story to tell about it. 

***

In August 1976, Antonia Villalba moved to Barranquilla, a bustling and noisy city like all the ones in the north of Colombia. She was a tall, pale, rounded woman, strong, and bulky. She came from Bogotá, the capital, or ‘la nevera,’[1]as we called it in the Coast for its cold weather. Too cold for people accustomed to more than 34 degrees Celsius in a tropical country.  Antonia had also lived and worked in the countryside of Santander, for many years. Well accustomed to the hard work, the woman knew how to ride a horse, how to raise a family, and specially, how to cook with gifted hands. After my grandfather died, my thirteen-years-old mom took control of the house. To have an income that could ease the hunger, she began renting out some rooms in the family’s household. Antonia moved in with her three kids and her parents. Her husband, a truck driver, had died in a traffic accident. She decided to move to Barranquilla, where an estranged cousin had settled in the city and also married a truck driver.

Antonia always loved to earn her own money; she juggled between jobs to take care of her family. Having set up a small convenience store in our house, she started selling roasted food.  Antonia bought the goods at the market. Early in the morning, she got on crowded buses, filled with people from various backgrounds: employees, foreigners coming from nearby areas and small villages, domestic workers, salespeople, merchants, and another informal workforce.  Successful businesspeople, public servants and doctors never took the bus, they took taxis or drove their own fancy vehicles. The market was a conglomerate of people coming from all over town. You could find city halls and offices next to hospitals and food stands, decorated with long queues of people waiting to enter any of those buildings. Street sellers offered bracelets and rosaries in the middle of copious fragrances. The odor of smoked fish appealed to those craving a hearty breakfast after running errands for a while. If you were looking for something lighter, you could try a buñuelo with hot coffee. The city was, and still is, a living being in which all citizens acted like organs making the body function. At 9 am, Antonia was back home with big bags of fresh vegetables and groceries to sell. José, her eldest son, had already started serving customers. 

Weekends were special as she set up plastic tables and chairs on the terrace for people to come and eat. The tables were nicely dressed up with floral pattern coverings and embroidered ends. On Fridays, she came from the market with a goat kid. During the afternoon, you could hear the poor animal howling when Antonia killed it. She then made pepitoria[2] to sell or some roasted goat on Saturdays. She also came with roosters. She plucked the chickens and seasoned them with a red paste made with bell peppers, onions, achiote and salt. She then put the chicken on grills and sold them with salty potatoes. Of all the food she made to sell, she always gave some to my mom. Sometimes Antonia gave even more than what she owed her in rent. In the end, it was a transaction based on solidarity. 

On Sundays, Antonia made a humongous soup pot, a sancocho. She knew her cousin spent Sundays with her husband’s colleagues and their families. Antonia invited them to come around and buy her some soup. They accepted the invitation and were all delighted with the food and friendly time. It then became a tradition to have lunch at our house on Sundays to enjoy the roasted chicken, goat or soup, or any other exquisite dish that Antonia made, thinking about her old Santander. Those dishes included in every stir or cut the traces of nostalgia. 

Antonia’s youngest son was a little boy called Juanito, five years old, and there wasn’t any difference between him and a Tasmanian devil. He looked just like his mom, and he was born just before his father’s passing. He ran around the house, playing in the dirt and driving everyone crazy. That boy was pure chaos, but sometimes, he was lonely. His mother was busy making some money, so she could not watch him all day. His siblings had school or were helping Antonia. The boy’s loneliness and sadness grew more and more evident. Antonia felt guilty about her son, so she came one afternoon with a puppy to keep Juanito company. They called it Zeón. Juanito and the dog were very alike, messy, and dirty. With its tender eyes, the creature captured everyone’s smiles and caresses. 

One Sunday, it was the birthday of one of the truck drivers. Antonia woke up early, as she anticipated many people that day. She had promised them to make the best sancocho one had ever tasted. An array of potatoes, sweet, and green plantains, calabaza, yam and cassava.  Gallina criolla and carne salada, a meal which ‘industrial’ could never define.Word about the famous soup spread all over near neighborhoods. At 7 AM, Antonia had already cut all the vegetables for the soup. The meat had been soaking in spices overnight. José started piling firewood in the backyard. Antonia carried the pot and put it in the fire. The smell of the smoke flew around the houses. People passed by in their Sunday best and said hello to Antonia on their way to the Mass. 

That day Juanito was more restless than usual. As a tornado, he ran with the dog from here to there in the house while Antonia kept asking him to stay still. Giving up, she told him to go out and play with the neighbor’s son. Juanito took the dog with him.

José was sitting next to the pot to make sure it wasn’t going to burn. When the soup was ready, José put a lid on it and went to help his mother with another task. It had already been a while when Juanito and the dog came back. They started running and playing around the soup pot. Suddenly, a clattering noise and a pitiful bark resound in the backyard. José heard Juanito’s laugher, and he knew something was wrong. He went running to see what happened. Shocked, José cried for help “¡Mamá, mamá, Juanito tiró el perro en la sopa![3] Luckily, the soup was no longer boiling. Antonia, shaking nervously, hurried up to take the dog out of the soup while menacing Juanito with a beating. Juanito, seeing that his mom was not joking, ran as fast as a runaway puppy. With his short arms and legs, he climbed the mango tree. He then waited at the top, looking at the bottom where Antonia held a heavy belt. We also had stories concerning our mothers’ belt.

Antonia yelled “¡te me bajas inmediatamente de ahí, culicagado!”[4] She was furious. Her pale face turned red with anger. At the corner of the street, the trucks’ honks were loud. People arrived on foot and some others getting out of taxis and private cars. It was too late to start cooking another soup pot. And how could you explain such a mischief? Antonia gave Juanito a last look. “¡Te bajas, o te bajo, y ya verás!”[5] The boy got out of the tree. His mother grabbed him by the ears and ordered Teresa, the middle sister, to clean and dress him up. José took the dog and gave it a bath. 

People came into the house and warmly greeted Antonia. Everyone took a seat. Teresa started serving the delicious-looking soup. Plates were passed from hand to hand, with lemon slices and rice. Pepitorias, arepas and some aguapanela were served. They were laughing and making jokes. Through the radios, some Vallenato and Cumbia were heard. Someone took a bottle of aguardiente and made a grimace at its bitter tasteIt was a festive and happy Sunday in the Colombian coast. After quick belt strokes, Juanito continued to happily play with the dog. But away from the soup. The guests kept coming for more soup and more rice. What an amazing cook Antonia was! Everyone who attended the party that day kept talking about it for months; years passed, and everyone remembered Sundays at Antonia’s. But no one dared to say: ¡Esta sopa sabe a perro![6] 


[1] Spanish word for fridge. 

[2] Colombian dish typical of the Santander Department made from the goat’s entrails, blood, and hard-boiled eggs. 

[3] “Mom, mom, Junito threw the dog into the soup.” 

[4] “Get down, culicagado” (Colombian slang word for a little kid, usually a mischievous one). 

[5] “Get down or you will see.”

[6] This soup has a doggy taste.

Comments by the jury:

“I think it was a lovely rendering of a funny anecdote through adult eyes; it’s very self-aware and socially-driven”

“I appreciated the details of the food, how she made it and what she used in the recipes. … I was thankful that the dog survived its encounter with the soup!”

Categories
2024 – Winter

Parasouls

Author: Nathalie Hayes

“This has to be one of my absolute favourite places,” She sighed.
“You always say that!” He replied. Dismissal was his favourite type of response; attack, his favourite type of defence. All in all, he was difficult to converse with. But she consciously let it slide off of her, as she took in the bathers immersing themselves in the dark, sparkly emerald water. She anticipated the cool, liquid touch on her skin, the absolution of emersion.

The sun was high in the sky and you had to squint against the reflections on the lake, that magnificent body of water surrounded by mountain peaks, ludicrous in its beauty, and the glare of the yellow parasols, with their warmed canvas smell.

The ice tinkled in her cocktail. She had wanted a drink before the swim. He was taking a break from alcohol. Buoyed by a little buzz, she smiled at him to make their way towards the hot concrete steps upon which lay the sunbathers, post-swimmers, readers, towards the metal access ladder. One woman was holding court to a bored couple about the trials of having holidayed with her sister’s children. Her nasal, whiny drone ploughed forward, pulled along by how hilarious she was finding herself. On and on about the tedious detail of her banal existence. She tried to catch his eye, but he was mouthing some sort of stream of consciousness that he couldn’t divulge should she ask him what he was thinking. She nudged him, tried to point with her eyes, an attempt at a shared joke, but he just replied with a loud “What?”, and she let it drop, along with her black summer dress.

If only humans could be as enduring as nature. The mountains and the lake remained unblemished and generous, as they always have and always would be. Quite the contrast to the inevitable decay of the body, the waning of relationships, so fickle. The water understood acceptance as she lowered herself in, quick gasp, before delivering herself to the pleasure of being held, lifted, loved unconditionally.

Comments by the jury:

“I also enjoyed the implicit descriptions. We see and feel the black summer dress without needing to be told what it looked like.”

“Very Sally Rooney-esque in the phrasing and atmosphere. … I thought the unconditional love of the lake was a lovely subject.”

Categories
2024 – Winter

The Nest

Author: Gaia Masiello

Each group of three volunteers was assigned three nests to patrol in rotation. The first hatching happened on the fifth day of the first week, and I missed it. 
We wake up early in the morning, have breakfast, and by six, we’re all down at the beach for the assignment of tasks. We work until eleven; then it gets too hot. We start again in the afternoon for a few hours, and then we’re all completely worn out. In the first few days, I always volunteered to clean the beaches. It’s the most important job here at camp, but it’s also the most exhausting. If you really had to clean a beach— I mean, really get it perfectly clean— you’d surely go crazy. All sorts of things wash up from the sea, and some trash has deteriorated so much that it’s as small as grains of sand. Only they’re red, green, or purple. You can’t possibly pick them all up, and in the end, it feels like you haven’t collected enough even when your bag is full of garbage. And then, all it takes is one night’s storm, and you’re back to square one. 
The group from the first hatching told us everything in detail. A marvel: a hundred tiny turtles emerged from under the sand in a little eruption, reached the sea, and began their long journey, uninterrupted. They know exactly where to go and how to get there, from the very first second of life.  The nets and plastic waste we collect, we put aside in special bags. We make decorative garlands out of bottle caps that we hang on the bunk beds in the dormitory, and the nets in good condition are cleaned up and resold to fishermen at a symbolic price. With the rest, Antonio, our supervisor, makes hammocks that will always smell of the sea. Some say they smell like fish, though. The rest of the plastic we donate to the guys at MedCleanUp. They recycle it, and with a 3D printer, they make all sorts of things: deck chairs, fabrics, shoes, cell phone covers, and handles. Some of their items are sold at the camp’s reception. 
Starting from the second week, hatchings happened almost every day, and soon all the volunteers could say they had witnessed the miracle of life. When the last marked nest hatched, I still hadn’t managed to see a single one. There were two days left before we left, and I really didn’t want to leave the island without seeing the turtles. Antonio told me I could always come back next year. I kicked the bag of trash I had collected that morning into the pile next to his desk, and he told me I could spend the last day exploring the beaches that hadn’t been patrolled. Maybe I’d find an unmarked nest. But that’s not the point, he told me. I told him I knew, and then I walked away. 
I’m heading to Cala Pozza, and it’s my last attempt. It’s not yet dawn, but I need to hurry because the project’s closing ceremony starts at nine, and the beach is a half-hour walk away. It’s unlikely there’s anything at Cala Pozza, since it’s the surfers’ beach, so it’s busy year-round. But it’s very long, so it’s not impossible that in the north corner where the cliffs start, the spot surfers avoid, there could be an unmarked nest. I have to walk the entire length of the beach to get there, so it’ll be another ten minutes or so. I need to hurry. At this hour, the island is submerged in silence, now that even the wind has calmed. Only the distant sound of waves can be heard. As I walk, I only look at what enters the cone of light from my flashlight. Antonio lent it to me and told me to be careful not to bang it around because it’s a good flashlight, a real one. To get to Cala Pozza, you walk up a path that leads to the top of the cliffs on the south side of the beach; then I have to cross it all the way to the north corner. From the cliffs, I can see the wooden roof of the surfboard shack at the beginning of the beach. I point the flashlight toward the far end of the beach and turn the crank to the largest dot. 
There’s something floating in the water. The waves are pushing something toward the shore. I don’t understand what that is. I am too far away and the light is not strong enough. 
I see dark shapes on the beach.   Bodies. 
They’re people! It looks like four of them. Six with the ones in the water. Maybe more, it’s hard to tell. I feel my stomach drop. One of them stirs in the water.  I don’t remember very well anymore; so many years have passed. 
I remember my voice, though it didn’t seem like my own. I could hear myself screaming, loud. But it no longer felt like my voice.  By the time the sun rose, many of us were there, but by then, it was all useless. 

Categories
2024 – Winter

Penelope

Author: Ags

Read whilst listening to —Futile Devices by Sufjan Stevens— if you want to

Dear De
Hello.
Hey,
Sorry for the delay.
I got your letter. I know it’s been three weeks. I’ve been meaning to write, but it seems I don’t have a pretty enough picture to send. Your presence is all over these pages. With the flower petals dried out and stuck to the side, and that decorative tape you always add in front. You even bother to circle the letters of my name. “To make them look 3D,” you say. And those Alfons Mucha cards from your favourite shop in town! I swear, I could almost know the vendor from how much you speak of him.
Well.
I, unfortunately, don’t have tape. Or flowers, in fact. I tried; I did. I stole some of these plumerias from the train station I was in last night. The petals dried up in my suitcase. And yes, I know you love it when I send you these cards from the countries I’m in. But seriously, airport postcards are just the most soulless things I’ve ever seen.
Anyways, this may sound like an excuse for the delay of my answer. It’s not. I promise.
I’ve been moving, as I’m sure you know. In fact, I haven’t really set foot on the ground since the last time I heard you say, “see you soon.”
It’s never really “soon” per se. We both know it though I am particularly skilled at denial. It’s more of a tradition, an embellishment to our goodbyes, like those little led lights you cover your room with despite the sun that peeks through your windows. It’s a promise—a way of saying that we’ll wait, that time is just a side character to our plot.
See, there’s something I understood recently about us about you. It struck me when you left my house last October. I remember I told you, “I’ll be homesick.”
The strange thing is, I wasn’t the one leaving home for once. Were I more articulate, I’d have formulated some poetic verse about how the absence of you shuts out colour or something like that.You know that part in “Tintern Abbey”? When Wordsworth writes:

And now, with gleams of half-extinguish’d thought,
With many recognitions dim and faint,
And somewhat of a sad perplexity,
The picture of the mind revives again


Yeah… that. The feeling a place changes when one looks at it again. Only for me, it’s not so much about time passing; it’s more about how different a place feels when you’re in it from when you’re gone. Like a picture that loses its tint, you know?
See, the images in my mind, they all include you. We don’t need to be talking; we don’t even need to face each other. But you’re there in the frame. And when you’re not, it’s like the little filmmaker in my mind decides to add the muted filter to everything I see.
I’m not saying I don’t like moments without you as well. It’s just not the same camera.
So, it gets complicated when I see you once every eternity. It seems my life doesn’t like me picturing things too long.
I’m sorry I move so much. Sorry I can’t stay in a place long enough to find my words with you. Sorry I fail to send you those airport postcards just because I feel jealous of your gorgeous letters. Sorry that, despite your constant efforts, I fail to breathe a bit with you.
Workaholic, anxious mess of a mind, I’ve subscribed to decades of guilt whenever I take the time to imagine myself settled. And you know my parents, of course. They like to stare at paths and remind me that change is the only way not to close any of these doors. You don’t turn down opportunity—not in my family. It’s like some god you can’t refuse.

This “need” to see the world, to flee from your comfort zone like it’s some fruit of Eden, it gets tiring. With it, ignoring an open door is like missing out on half the world. And then you come in, and I take a moment to sit with you, chat. One conversation, and it feels worth traveling the entire earth. One day together, and I’d miss out on seven planets for all I care.
I wish I could show them—my parents—how much I get from you. How much you bring me. It’s not that they don’t care; I just don’t think they see how traveling makes you need something else to grasp onto.
I hang onto things—letters, books, posters that wallpaper my room. But then again, I can’t be taking everything to each new place, can I? Clothes unworn for more than a year, comics read more than twice. Posters fall away along with the houses. Every move sheds something or someone.
Gods know the times I heard and said, “We’ll stay in contact.” Gods know how many people I’ve forgotten the names of.
Switching between stations and airports the way I switched schools through childhood, the way you switch clothes. Spending holidays on trains in the hopes of seeing a glimpse of you before I have to leave again. Running between houses that don’t feel like home. Countries just cannot seem to stick.
I work in two languages, aim for seven different futures. The possibility of an exchange, the opportunity of a job far away. I don’t keep diaries; descriptions and images I try to paint of my everyday sound blurry and unsure. And the memory compilations that my iPhone suggests every month just don’t do the trick to build a frame.
But there are exceptions to every rule, even those that structure your life. Every postcard needs a focus, and my camera seems to like your smile.
I thought places defined people. I travel, I change, I lose some and gain some. It’s a cluster of changes. I’ve moved four times since I’ve known you. And when I came back for a year, you went off to some successful school. Naturally, not the best way to secure a grounded relationship. It’s like a dance on a seesaw where we just can’t find our way down at the same time. And I just assumed it would pass, the feeling of missing you, like so many other times. But it didn’t. And I just kept working for the moments I got with you, as short as they were.
But this isn’t a sad story about how I can’t seem to be happy since we met. You’re a little more special than that. You crossed the borders with me—in phone calls, through letters. With the way you have of actually keeping track of what’s going on with me, miles away, making me feel like you’re in my story.
And me? I guess my brain won’t let go of your name so fast. People come and go, but places remain. It was on a post once: Artists like Jean Léon Gérôme paint a harem in the 19th century, and the public claps at how similar the halls look today.
I’m not here to debate how resistant the harem walls are to centuries. But as you left me last month, when I told you I’d be homesick, I understood how wrong that saying was. You remained—more than places, more even than some memories. You stay on my mind, by my side. You watch ruins fall apart at museums with me, read poems about how everything disappears one day. You call me through time zones and different languages.
And yes, places change just as much as people. Halls fall apart; they erode, they grow. But when I close my eyes and think of a place to settle, you’re the most stable part of it. And when you tell me you’ll be there when I come back from my courses, when I text you that I’m passing by, when we hop on a night bus to the edge of nowhere or open the door to another creaky Airbnb, it’s like coming home.

Comments by the jury:

“An optimistic take on relations with plenty of sentiment…but that is perhaps a nice change of pace from what’s in vogue in literary production these days.”

“The writer manages to pack many layers into a short piece of writing – their appreciation for letters, and the way they cannot return them. … This reader finished the piece hoping they will find what they are looking for.”

“The language is so fluid and lovely to read, it’s almost like a train of thoughts but well-curated.”

Categories
2024 – Winter

Children and play area

Author: Kayla Jendly

[Contente Warning: Murder]

This place used to be filled with children’s laughter. If it was sunny, it did not matter. There always were children playing. Chasing one another. Fighting one another. Showing their parents how great they were at being tightrope walkers. They would find the most beautiful rocks that a mom could wish for as a gift. With rain, the children would play with water and soak themselves, jumping in puddles, a smile on their face. And they would smile even more when their mom, desperate from the laundry to come, would scream their name. With the wind, the children would be in the middle of a tempest on a boat, fighting the elements to find the beautiful treasure of friendship. With snow, the children would do epic snowball fights. Friendships would die. Alliances would be created. Betrayal would be committed. With the sun, there would be even more children here, playing, screaming, chasing dragons, saving princesses, catching robbers. Children playing with their imagination. 

But today the play area isn’t filled with children’s laughter anymore. The swing is touched only by the wind, not by dirty little hands. The slide is waiting to be used but no one wants to go on it. The people here today are too old for that. And they are not in the mood anyway. Even if you don’t hear the children’s presence; there are sounds. You hear the birds singing. Well, not as loud as usual. As though even the birds knew that should not happen. That’s the problem. It should not happen, but it has happened. The wind plays with the leaf of autumn with no joy, trying not to make too much noise. As if silence was required. As if silence was the only response to what happened. Leaving the leaves, the wind hurts the yellow tape. They are visible, even through the fallen leaves. The yellow of this tape is aggressive as if it was trying to represent what happened. The tape is a warning. Come closer if you dare. But you won’t leave this place with the same light in you. You will lose something. Come closer if you dare. But at your own risks.

The inspector must come closer. New town. Same yellow tape. New colleagues. Same darkness of humankind. Temperature is colder by the way. Preserves the bodies better. Not the dignity. Preserves the tracks better. Not the pain. New State. Same people looking for the morbid. Close just enough but not too much. Close just enough for the heartbeat to raise. But not too much to have nightmares. Close just enough to take a picture. But not too much to think about your own child waiting for you at the kindergarten. 

The inspector must come closer. New town. Same yellow tape. New colleagues. Before being able to come closer he has to prove his identity. He shows his police card. He is closer. He walks under the yellow tape. The wind plays with them loudly now, as if it screams a warning to the inspector. Do not come closer. The birds, feeling the death, come closer. They want to see. Maybe the humans will forget a piece and the birds will feast. Without the yellow tape and the men in white it could almost be a normal play area. Except for one thing. The body. The little body. The tiny little body. How could it seem so small? It had all its life ahead. But now, it’s just a tiny little piece of meat. The inspector knows he has to find the killer. Otherwise, it will happen again: New town. Same yellow tape. New colleagues. Same darkness of humankind. He does not think his wedding will survive another town. And what about his little blond angel? Who would she choose? Her loving Mom? Her tortured Dad? The inspector comes even closer. The blond hair making a crown to the little body. As a princess sleeping, waiting for her prince to kiss her, but only Death is allowed to kiss her now. The blue coat which was supposed to protect the little angel from the rain did not protect her from death. The blue coat does not hide the blood stains.

The inspector is too hot. It is not his first crime scene with that kind of horror. But this time it is different. A pain in his stomach grows bigger. He really needs to calm down. Maybe that “zen” shit his wife is always talking about could help. He must go see the body with his own eyes. To feel the scene. Be where the killer was. He just stands there, waiting for the men in white to finish their job. So he can come closer. Always closer. Be the closest.

The sign. He can come closer. Always closer to the truth. With each step, the pain in the stomach grows bigger. How can he stop this feeling? Even with the yellow tape, he can feel the crowd of people. Now the journalists should be here. They’re a problem too. So many things to think about, to do before he can go home to his wife and little blond angel.Now he is close enough. Now he sees what is wrong. Now he sees what the problem is. Now he knows, he knows this little blond angel. Maybe the question: who would she choose doesn’t matter anymore.

Categories
2024 – Winter

Front Row Seats

Author: J. Seeger

[Content Warning: Suicide]

I gesture to the man on the bench. The pointless, albeit polite question ‘Do you  mind if I have a seat?’ He doesn’t respond. I sit, sliding down the contours of the bench. The  picture of contempt. It has been a considerably wet August, and the leaves have fallen  early this year. The smell of rotting plant matter is noxious, but it is a welcome distraction  from the cacophony of modern life. That smell. The tree to my left is an apple tree, its  brown decaying fruit is the most pungent. But there are other smells underneath, the smell  of rain on concrete, the smell of freshly cut grass. 

They say that apples contain trace amounts of cyanide. It’s not enough to kill you  unfortunately. I pondered about selectively breeding apples for higher cyanide content. I would ruminate on these problems as a child.  Amusing myself with how different Sleeping Beauty would be if the apple on the windowsill was the one designed to kill. A ‘Red Deathlicious’. Bad joke”  

Today I wonder if I could feed this poisoned fruit to the man next to me. He is a  businessman, grey suit, blue shirt, top button undone, a spotted tie loosely knotted, he  was drinking a beer. I suppose he didn’t want to go home just yet, he had a wedding band  on his left ring finger. He glances down at it every now and again. I ask myself what his reaction would be if I handed him an apple, how quickly he would bite into it. Cyanide works by inhibiting the  process which makes energy in your cells. It makes you tired, sleepy. You lose coordination and you become dizzy. Your heart rate will slow down. Beat by beat, a slow  creep closer to death. I ponder what would happen if I could eat that poisoned apple. It’s late. I need to sleep. A bench is as good as any bed. 

I wake up just before dawn. My phone is ringing. It’s my secretary. Faithful Jane,  she’s always been on my side. She’s asking me where I am. I tell her I’m at home. I am lying. The bench is still under me. I get up and start walking, she reminds me the car will pick me  up in one hour, she hangs up. Jane is eight years younger than me, but treats me like it’s  the other way around. She looks after me well, in another life we would have been married  by now. My walk to the apartment is short, I am there in seven minutes. I open my door, I  take off my shoes and I carry them to the elevator. My feet are sore. I press the button and  the brushed metal doors open immediately. The elevator’s interior is made of floor to  ceiling mirrors. It makes me feel vulnerable. My shoulders arched forward, the weight  of the world shrugged off. I ask the elevator for the penthouse. The door opens into my  living area and I drop my shoes. My Artificial Intelligence calls my name.“John”, it says. It  asks me if I want some coffee. I tell it to get ready for after my shower. 

My apartment is open plan. My furniture is bespoke, uncomfortable. This apartment  is the tallest building in the city of Geneva, Switzerland. I live on the highest floor. Every  wall is made of glass, at night, I flip a switch and an electric current passes through each pane. The microscopic pigments embedded throughout the glass expand and then my  window on the world closes. The shower is in the corner of the apartment. I take my  clothes off and step in. The AI preheated the water. The water is recycled from the day  before. The rain that filled my nostrils now washes the scum off my back. I hope the next  person who lives here can appreciate the hidden simplistic beauty of this place. I don’t. I’m dressed in my newest suit. I haven’t picked my tie yet. Jane will do that for me. I can see the large armoured car driving down the road, it’s for me. Jane rings. I tell her I’m coming down. I look towards the lake and the mountains. The sun has risen enough for it to be light outside now, the orange glow it casts is at its peak. The lake is a particularly  wholesome sight, in a way the lake is like its own celestial body, the fires of our nearest 

star, captured in the waters of the lake, the two life giving powers in our universe, one  caught in the reflection of the other. I take in that view for what I think will be the last time.  

The elevator is waiting for me. I walk in and look at the mirrors, the shower has  cleaned the superficial filth. But, I can still see the dirt in the cracks. The elevator doors  open and the car is waiting for me. Jane opens the door of the car. She is wearing a grey  suit and a maroon shirt. Her hair is tied back and she is wearing little make-up. She looks  nice. I get in and she climbs in behind me. We drive to the parliament building for my trial. I am hurried into the building out of view of cameras and journalists. This building used to  be home of the United Nations. It is now home to the Pan-Eurasian Coalition, which I was  in charge of. Funny how things change. I am taken to my office, there is a balcony. I take Jane with me, the doors are locked and my guards wait outside. I find it odd that they gave me guards. These people are sentencing me to death. Yet they don’t want the  millions, billions, of other men and women to do it for them. Jesus once said; let he who is  without sin cast the first stone. He gestured to a baited crowd, armed with rocks, ready to  stone an adulterer to death. Stupid story.  

Jane gives me a hug, and passes me my package, I thank her, open the package  and place its contents in the inside pocket of my suit. Faithful Jane. She says she will miss  me. I tell her I have a plan. I don’t know if it will work. The trial is a mere formality. I have  one witness left, one man who can defend me. He will speak for me, for when all is said  and done, he and only he knows the truth.There’s a knock at the door. It’s time. 

I am guided slowly into the awaiting chamber. This is where I make my last  defence, the final formality of the long drawn out game of hangman. I pray, with its loosest  meaning, that my witness will be here. I am first in the chamber, the auditorium. I am taken  to my seat. It is a cheap plastic chair with metal legs. I prefer my bench. The chair is hidden by four wooden panels of highly polished dark oak. They are ornate in structure and reflect the rest of the building, all except for my cold plastic chair. This is the cell they made me. The wall behind me is adorned by the flag of the PEC, a blue background with red, blue, yellow, green and black stripes, they are at a subtle angle, and run from top to bottom down the middle of the flag. They represent all the colours of our coalition countries, just like the old Olympic Rings. I hate it, it’s ugly. Underneath are smaller versions of the flags belonging to each member state. The ceiling is a curved dome of glass where citizens, voyeurs, can watch the dismantling of democracy and due process. It’s closed today, the cameras will see everything though live TV. In front of me are rows of seats and desks, where each country’s representatives will sit. Independent witnesses and token journalists. There are 300 seats, each will be filled. One more row of seats, in between me and the madding crowd. I still have my package. The row of seats are for the judges. A jolly band of sinners, ready to cast their stones. I sit and close my eyes and remember the scent of rotting apples. My eyes are shut as the auditorium fills, slowly.  It is nine in the morning before the trial starts. Everyone is in place and I open my eyes. 

They hear my defence. There are jeers when I mention the good work I’ve done,  the peace wrought upon the world. I’m buying myself time. They tell me to sit and then I’m  questioned, again. What good it will do. I reach into the inside pocket and feel its cold  metal. I pull the hammer and feel a satisfying thud as the bullet is loaded into the chamber.  There is a pause as the trial is adjourned for lunch. This is potentially my last meal, I am  asked what I want. I ask for an apple. The auditorium fills and I have only eaten one bite. I  ask the jury for one last plea. They grant my request.

“I know. I know you don’t believe me. This trial is what you wanted though, friends.” I look  into the camera which hovers by my face. “I know this offers no solace to you today, but I  am sorry for the pain you think I caused.” I look towards the jury and stand up. “You  believe that I did this, you believe you found your smoking gun, and with the strike of  hammer on gavel you will waft away the fumes. You are guilty. You pulled the trigger, it is  your bullet and yours alone which was fired.” I sit down heavily and there is a screech as the chair slides back slightly. I look up to the crowd. “I am no murderer.” I pause, a breather, they think it is for dramatic effect, I reach into my pocket. My choice was justified. I put my hand on the grip and rest my finger on the trigger. No one can see the weapon as I hold it by my side. “Comrades…” There is a cry from a representative of Canada, he tells me I am a murderer, I have the blood of Millions on my hands. He is removed promptly. I  am sad he will miss the show. “…your sacrifice was not in vain.” Long pause, I picture  myself on the bench. The head judge asks me if I have anything left to say, he is disgruntled, he raises my hammer. I open my mouth as I stand but I’m stopped. The gavel falls from the judges hand. Front row seats. My witness is here. His bony hand rests on my right shoulder. I raise my left hand, and point the gun to my temple. The Ruger GP100, a relic. There is a scream. The cameras rush to focus on my friend. I know they see him. “My name is John Seeger and I have a rendezvous with death.” I pull the trigger. The crowd goes wild.

Categories
2024 – Winter

Hurting for People You Don’t Miss

Author: Andreia Abreu Remigio

The first time he invited me to his house, he purposefully did it when his parents weren’t home. I knew it. That was the plan. Weird parents, he said, it’s better this way. I said, okay. How bad could it be, though? I had brought him home to my family after a week of talking, and we slept in the same bed. I had no idea then of how differently we had been raised. I had no idea then that this topic would trigger most of our fights.

I cried that night. Because he got me a record player for Christmas and because their apartment was gigantic. I cried because my home, which my parents had saved up for their whole lives and had completely renovated themselves, felt pathetic in comparison. I got him a plush that I had sewn myself. Shit.

Months later, I met his paternal grandparents. How strange it is to be picked up at the train station by his grandpa, a well-dressed gentleman, in a Mercedes. My avô doesn’t own a car. I don’t think he can drive one. He has untreated dementia now and wets his pants regularly. We got out of the car. The house is beautiful, I thought. But I probably didn’t say it out loud. Overwhelmed. I felt stupid. At lunch, we talked about culture and politics. No one asked about my family. I thought about how my grandparents never finished elementary school. His grandparents have paintings of royalty next to their library. Art books. History books. For them, knowledge is a legacy as much as material possessions. Every time I sit down to dinner there, I am invited into conversations about philosophy, art, or politics. They toss around cultural references and memories of family vacations, turning to me occasionally, eyes bright, to draw me in. It is a warm place, really, and they are always gracious. But I find myself sitting straighter, picking my words carefully so as not to betray my own upbringing. I don’t think my avó can read very well. She has never told me about her own life, but I don’t need to ask anyone to confirm that none of my grandparents have ever been on vacation. 

Back at my grandparents’ place, in a small, rural village, the world is different. Their house, humble and creaky, squished between others, has a tin roof and cracked windows that rattle in the wind. Their walls are adorned with simple trinkets—porcelain animals, faded photographs, calendars from years past. For them, the world is close and immediate. My grandparents work with their hands, waking early to tend to a vegetable garden that provides most of their food. Their knuckles are gnarled from years of working with soil, tending to animals, and fixing what breaks. 

They are the same age as my boyfriend’s grandparents, but they look 20 years older. They never finished school, my grandparents. It wasn’t uncommon where they grew up; education was a luxury for people with means, not something available to farming families with seven or eight mouths to feed. They taught themselves what they could, learned through experience, and kept the family afloat. They know everything there is to know about the land, the seasons, and the history of our village. Ask them about the soil, and they’ll tell you what crops it best yields, which fields drain poorly, and how to coax a good harvest in a dry year. But I was born in another country, where my parents migrated to seek better opportunities. I have nothing in common with my grandparents. 

Today, we’re at his maternal grandmother’s house. His grandfather passed away a few years ago; they were very close. He seemed like a wonderful person. He rescued stray cats—my avó cuts the throats of the chickens she raises, and serves them to me on a plate that has never seen a dishwasher. I watch my boyfriend while he gives me a tour of the place and the tangible memories it holds. The legacy he left behind. But the house has changed since he passed and his wife moved away. My boyfriend’s uncle turned it into a guest house. No one would ever want to sleep in either of my grandparent’s houses. I don’t have anything to cherish from my own family, no deep conversation or passed-on wisdom, no pictures or pieces of furniture. Maybe just the practical tools of a life spent working. Maybe. 

But I still have four grandparents, all alive and doing fine. I’ve never felt a deep connection with any of them, and maybe that’s my fault. I see them once a year, and though I don’t miss them in between, I find myself hurting for them now in a way I never did before. They lived lives of hard work and survival, yet none of the comforts or curiosities my boyfriend’s family enjoys. They never had a chance to explore, to grow old with the luxury of knowledge and leisure. And yet, in their way, my parents broke the poverty cycle and have given everything to give me a future. I know this should fill me with pride, but more often, it just leaves me feeling lost—caught between two worlds I don’t fully belong to, aching for people I don’t quite know how to miss.

There’s an ache I feel when I’m at his family’s table. Sometimes I wonder how it will play out, these two lives we’ve each lived that shaped us in ways neither of us can fully undo. But what I do know is that these different worlds have given us something unique, something special to share with one another, right as we’re about to move in together. His family’s history is written in books and intellectual discourse, while mine is carved into the fields and hands of people who had no choice but to endure. I’m learning to appreciate both now, how places shape people, and how people breathe life into the places they call home. 

Comments by the jury:

“Well-told story focusing on questions of class and social relations (Sally Rooney-esque); an effective penultimate paragraph detailing the problem of not knowing how to miss people.”

“Love the title. This is a really immersive story, with the protagonists own memories adding a layer of complexity to the narrative.”

“I found the language particularly beautiful in this one, and the internal point of view is rendered perfectly. The subject is interesting and thought-provoking.”

Categories
2024 – Winter

All the Colours in My World

Author: Leah Didisheim

Orange. That’s the first colour I think about. But not this bright industrial, lifeless orange. This natural autumnal orange. Then perhaps blue, green and yellow. These are not even my favourite colours. And yet, they have to be the most beautiful colours in the world.

It usually starts on an early Saturday morning. Early for a Saturday that is. The drive to go there is long and the breaks too. Well, it really depends on who’s driving the car. My uncle in his Tesla and with his hatred of the too-many-long-breaks that my dad loves gets there before the rest of us. You see, my dad is kinda like me. Well, mostly in the sense that he likes his rituals, his routine and that he dislikes waking up early and hurrying up. So, usually we aim to leave at eight thirty in the morning to pick my grandma up and leave from her place at around nine. Of course, that’s never before my dad patted himself on the back for being so amazing at putting all the suitcases in the trunk as optimally as he did. And then, when we’re all in the car, when you might think “ok, they’re finally starting the trip!”, of course my dad wants to make the first stop after forty-five minutes to have breakfast in the Grauholz. The others stopped wanting to meet there when the food started to be really bad. They never really wanted to go in the first place, it was way too close from home, and only one break in the middle is better. But for my dad, it’s just part of the holidays, so there really is no going without stopping there. There’s no point arguing, I’ve tried, trust me. I always pretend to be grumpy because it means putting my shoes back on, turning off my music, but really, I think seeing him lighting up just because he’s getting his mediocre croissant, chocolate bar and tasteless coffee – and by the way he agrees with the rest of us on the taste – is adorable.

After that, we’re really gone this time. I usually start to doze off right when it’s time for the next break at around one in the afternoon in Heidiland; a place where we are just getting food that’s too expensive. We join the rest of my family sitting at a table, their plates already empty and about to leave, but they were waiting to say hi. So again it’s just me, my dad and my grandma. We can’t realistically have this lunch without my dad complaining about how his röstis aren’t cooked enough but after he had asked the cook to fry them some more about three times he wasn’t going to ask again. And also, it’s so greasy. And not that good. But I couldn’t resist. I should’ve taken a salad. Next time.

It’s about two-three more hours before my heart races again. And that’s usually not counting the yearly argument I have with my dear father about the correct direction to follow. You see, we go there every year. And we have for about twenty years. So, you’d think my dad would know the way by now. But every time, I want him to put the GPS on just to make sure – and I check on my phone anyway when he says no – and every time he assures me that he knows the way. Of course, that’s overlooking every time we almost ended up in Italy by mistake. But the signs are almost invisible, it’s impossible not to make a mistake. Well, the rest of my family must be exceptional then.

But then, the final mountain pass arrives. I recognise every turn. The larches aren’t orange yet, but they will at the end of the week. Even the grey rocks are beautiful to me. At the top of the mountain, there is this tower, somewhat famous and I smile because I already know the story my grandma is about to tell my dad. Yes, this tower, one time François and I went to see a play there. Really? Well, yes really dad, grandma says it every year. I really just say this last bit in my head, though.

Just thirty more minutes. I can almost see the hotel, no; the castle we’ll be staying in. And the blue lake is still there. And the grass, the rainbow forest. And there, there I finally feel like not everything is lost. There, finally, nature is the main character again. Here, I feel warm despite the dry air that makes your throat cough. In a few days, everything will be gold. And that’s how I know everything is perfect again.

My grandma used to come to the same place when she was a child. They know us so well there, it really feels more like home than like a hotel. That’s where my grandma looks happiest since my grandpa died. And I think that’s where I am too. There are only huge windows all around the living room so that it feels like we’re outside.

In the past, when we were just the three generations and not the four we are now, we used to go do what we call Torées. We’d go to the local supermarket to buy meat, bread and chocolate. And in what felt like the middle of the forest for ten-year-old me, one of my cousins starts grilling the meat while other people from my family walk some more, some draw on notebooks near the water, some read. The sky is shining bright. The larches are multiple shades of greens, oranges, yellows and reds. The lake is its bluest self. And as I sit on the rock, facing all of these colours, the sun on my face, my family talking behind me, the smell of warm food getting ready, I am truly and utterly happy. I just feel at peace in a world that usually gives me so much anxiety. There, I can finally recharge. Here, I can finally breathe.

My new favourite activity though – since we stopped the Torées, I had to find a new one – is the horse-drawn carriage. I shamelessly endorsed the role of the paparazzi with my grandma in front of me and my baby cousins that I keep photographing on both my sides. We always ride it to go to the best röstis restaurant higher in the mountain. The rest of my family walks there but I just love the carriage too much to ever stop. This road is right in the middle of the colourful trees with the blue sky right above us. Even the smell of the horses I look forward to.

Finally, I guess my last favourite thing, other than drinking warm tea and eating cake while reading a good book at one of the window tables of the gigantic living room, with classical music in the background, other than debating on what food we’re going to choose from the menu this evening with my uncle, and even other than working for university in the hotel library, is the minigolf we do right behind the hotel, under the trees. I never win and I probably never will, but in the cold nature right here, resting on my golf club – while my cousin shoots her minigolf ball, while my dad and my aunt argue because my dad moved the leaves on the minigolf course after everyone else shot their minigolf ball with the leaves on, which is just so unfair of you frankly. And you always do this. Either we change it for everyone before, or no one changes a thing. Alright, alright, I’ll stop doing it – while the needle-like leaves fall gently from the trees to the rhythm of the wind on my cheeks, I know I won something so much more precious.

I could tell you about everything else. About how when we come back home, so it doesn’t feel like we’ve really left just yet, we have Bolognese spaghettis all together at my uncle’s house. Or about the bird path we go to with the children to feed the birds. Or about how they offer painting lessons there and every Thursday evening the children present their pieces in the corridor that goes to the dining room to show everyone which brightens my heart when I look at my baby cousins’ paintings, just like my parents used to look at my ones when I was little. Or about how my grandpa’s birthday was always close to that week, so we’ve often celebrated his birthday here, including one of his last ones. But in the end, all of these memories, all of these natural colours will always be right here, in these mountains. And that’s really all I need, writing this from my desk at home, with the cold grey rain pouring just outside.

Comments by the jury:

“This was a lovely cozy autumn read! … I thought that the use of internal language and the mixing of indirect speech was so well done and contributed to the feeling of an event known by heart, in which you find safety.”

“The writer beautifully articulates the joy and frustrations of family holidays. It’s a story infused with nostalgia, and a familiar one to every reader.”

Categories
2024 – Winter

TELEPATHIC SHOCK & EXCITEMENT

Author: H.S

In my life I’ve seen many peoples and have been to many places, but I’ve never been to a place with as many people as the Fête des vendanges in Neuchâtel.
I must try and carefully chose my words, and hope through telepathic shock & excitement you see in your mind the exact ekphrasis of it:
From far away, from my white 2000s apartment complex which dominates the city scraping the black sky at night up above, you can hear in the thick coarse foggy night the festival calling.
The city becomes unrecognizable – the entire old city center, pedestrian, gets swallowed in a black mass of people like black petals of chocolate in dough – stands are erected, tents, stages for music, food stands of all nationalities vying for the odorous control of the streets –

The stands!
Each political party has their stand selling the ever-present democratic beer – you can see the left & right wing and the drunks who made it their civic duty to go back & forth trying to decide politically who’s got the best beer – the results of these great inebriated deambulations will influence the next election.
The green stand of the UDC Green-clad in their traditional Swiss clothing, blue jeaned & behatted, but too expensively wrist-watched and smelling of expensive cologne, making them seem like insurers and accountants mascarading as working class.
The blue-clad liberals looking like economics & business students, just slightly too neat for the bacchanal of the streets before them.
The socialists, red-clad motley crew with colorful posters all over the wall of the stand – Tattooed cool cats and the only women serving.
The communists not here this year. But I remember once in La-Chaux-de-Fonds they served Sagres or SuperBock which are THE working-class Portuguese beer.
And you have to shout to order because of the insane tittle-tattle of speakers –

Listen! the whole of Latin-America blasting their enchiladas with decibels which I assume adds flavor – giving the tortillas tinnitus.
Greasy American grub, and here and there the gentrified hipster vegan burger that coast 25 bucks with no fries which costs extra.
Afro-beats ringing in backstreets, for they have the worst locations – but shoulder-to-shoulder they dance, the drunk red-faced Swiss passers-by and the black Swiss busting out moves for their families and friends.
All of this just under windows of the old city center – old crones crowned above waiting at their balconies for 10pm sharp – they shout that the music should stop but they keep pushing it to later and later but the police is coming! A stampede on those backstreets broke my nose one year!
Rock bands playing live at big venues which blocks the arteries of streets like cholesterol does the heart of man.
Jazz joints at the periphery, near wooden temporary chalets in which you get local absinthe, the green gold whose drops are mined from the Val-De-Travers – the green fairy, who watches over all of us in this canton and we love her.
Chiller atmosphere there, more mature – the jazz bands are playing for 50 years old dads and moms who let their children roam around the crazy night.
The rap stage! Usually the main plaza is home to the buzz of buses, busy bees yellow-painted in my memories and following their comrades through the streets, but this weekend is the festival’s and so the buses must go.
So the rap stage in the middle of it and DJ blasting the latest American trends – and if you wanna see fights you go there.
Once I saw a woman dragging another by the hair while she herself was getting hammer-punched in the face repeatedly by another dude – that’s where you go to get punched in the face.
And the main stage and stand – in the middle of the middle of the heart of the heart of the center of the center of the city – right by the public library unrecognizable and unseen behind the huge stage that’s in fact three smaller stages linked together and interrupted by bars, and that’s where they blast (quote) classic (unquote) tunes that everybody knows and in drunken revelries sings with no effort put in harmonies or pronunciation or in fact volume.
Everyone SCREAMING not singing – arms interlocked and dancing a mad cadenza – songs by groups like Indochineeverybody singing the lyrics –
The bar underneath the stage besieged between tunes – and the DJ expertly doing whatever, here a classic, then a pop-song, then reggaeton, back to known tunes, and so on and so forth – the music blasting everywhere at everyone, your chest vibrates from the bass, your heart feels trapped in its cage as the ribs shake and shatter and you feel the music physically booming in your heart.

And the funfair! while the west and center of the old town are blackened and moisten by beer-&-wine drinkers & pukers, in the east you have the funfair –
The colorful light bulbs dotting the attractions which get lost in the air and bedazzles the water during the night –
The funfair is just above the harbor so you see the dark mass of the lake interrupted by fog which makes it a sea of darkness, but before the wall of clouds that darkens the night you have the many-jeweled water and its rainbow reflection of the funfair –
The water in the dark, slimy and gooey, captures the light voraciously.
The funfair with its unimpressed and bored looking Romani people talking French with impenetrable accents, nodding their head “no” to 8 yrs old children when they ask if they can still get a small prize if they missed the target by so little?
Grimy, dirty, colorful, gaudy – good fun but watch your pockets!
Churros covered in Nutella passing by in children’s hands, you just smell the fragrance and you go get one too –
Couples trying to win the big unicorn or dolphin plushy at a rifle stand –
The clerk is surrounded by the terrible beasts of the jungle, all fuzzy and cute –
The teenagers drunk on Smirnoff ice and Malibu screaming obscenities and being boisterous at the boxing arcade machine, challenging each other to punch harder that the last –
one of them hits the bag with his head and they scream laughing –
Another uses his elbow –
“Wow I got 8000 points” “Ah yeah? Well, I just got 8200, pussy!” “Ah yeah? I’ll show you!” and they spend coin after coin trying to beat each other.
Cotton candy flying in the wind as children lose control of it, or lose it to the drizzle that diminished the calm.
I had great sad dates after the Fête des vendanges had ended at the funfair, when everyone is gone and the weather is gray and the wind is blowing and the sad reflection on the thick puddles breaks your heart but you heal it with grease and cinnamon.

So many things I’ve not talked about!
The way the evangelical church on the street that leads to the train station tries to evangelize the drunkard rats of the night by giving them orange juice and sandwiches –
The way you see so much blood, vomit, sperm, shit, and all other human fluids spilling in the streets but everybody wallows in pig-like happiness –
The way you lose your wallet –
The way your ears ring –
The way you’d make out with four people you don’t know (with tongue) just because they liked the way you danced –
The way you’d be drunk one night to the point of not remembering and still go the next morning to get a caramel crepe –
The way that on Saturday night people from other cantons come and that’s when you can see knife fights by the fog-lost lake –
The way you see children, as young as thirteen binging for the first time and staggering along with their friends one on each side – getting their first binge first kiss first love first heartbreak first puke and first pickpocket –

The way you see & lose everybody there every hour or so, going to a stand with one group of friends, seeing your parents on the way, losing your friends, seeing your high-school sweetheart with her friends and hanging out with them, meeting a bunch of cool Frenchmen and dance, losing them too, meeting a girl and making out, losing her to the great sea of people, seeing your initial friends finally at 2 AM by the kebab stand eating and going back to do it all over again!

THAT’S IT! The Fête des vendanges, but you have to live it with wine in your belly, music in your feet, beer in your hand, and stars in your eyes.

Comments by the jury:

“The writer brings the Fête des vendanges to life on the page. The reader feels a little drunk by the end, is pleased not to have been punched and, with ears ringing, would also appreciate a kebab.”

“Very beautiful use of language, I think it renders the atmosphere really nicely in an almost oneiric way, and the depiction of all the different people and things was done in a very level-headed manner, which I thought was nice.”

Categories
2024 – Winter

No Return Flight

Author: N.R.

It was a warm autumn day as I made my way through the bustling streets. Humming a slow tune, I saunter towards my next stop. 

How long has it been since we last came here together, hand in hand? The laughter we once shared, echoes in my ear as I push the door open. The strong yet welcoming scent of ground coffee beans fills my nostrils. I find myself gravitating towards a well-lit display of carefully curated delights. 

The owner greets me from his place behind the counter.

“It’s good to see you again! Did life get busy?” he asks. 

“Yes. Things just have a way of building up in such a short time. Had to take some time off.” I offer as an answer. 

As we continued to make small talk, I could not help but feel a twinge of sadness. It wasn’t long ago that we were here sharing desserts and sipping on drinks.  Now here I am. Alone. 

I make my order and head for an empty table. I watch as people trickle into the café, laughing amongst themselves. At a nearby table, friends are passionately talking about the places they plan to visit. As their chatter continues, my mind starts to drift, as it often does these days. 

Floating through clouds, I find myself remembering our last few discussions. Unlike before, your eyes now held the look of someone who had given up. No longer were we sharing the same goal of reaching destinations we once gushed about.

Refusing to let the delays fill my heart with despair, I strapped myself in, determined to fight for both our dreams. I would have done anything to keep hope afloat. If your air mask malfunctioned, I would have given you mine without a thought. I wanted to be the one to bring you to safety.

We made it through several turbulences before our final plane made a sudden drop in altitude, forcing me to come to terms with my worst fear. The denial was spilling through the cracks of my foundation. 

It took our last transit for me to understand that nothing could keep you from making the wrong turn. You kept adding luggage that could not be repacked and continuously refused assistance from help counters along the way. 

I had lost sight of my own plans and itinerary. Standing at that terminal, I made up my mind. 

It was time for me to put myself first and book a flight of my own. Like any other passenger, I deserved a trip where my choices were not restricted or forced to compromise. 

It took several errors and frozen screens, but I made it to my new boarding gate. 

There was no looking back. No last calls to make. 

Suddenly, my ears feel a popping sensation as I hear my name being called. I stand up and make my way to the front. The owner, having wrapped everything nicely, gave me my to-go bag. 

“Don’t wait too long to come back! Why don’t you bring that friend of yours with you next time!” a courteous smile on his face. 

“I will! Have a nice day!” I replied. A few seconds later, I was on my way. I pondered over my plans for the afternoon. 

With no surprise, I reorganized my thoughts back to a few minutes ago. Will there be a time when we visit the café together, like before? How soon could that be? 

Probably not right away. It’s too late to take a return flight to your side. For now, there are no more connections to make, given that the borders are to remain on lockdown.

Perhaps it was for the best that we ended up at different terminals. 

It leaves the possibility of finding a different way, back to each other. After all, we all started off as strangers.

Nothing is stopping us from creating a new and improved flight connection together. Till then…

                                                          –     Ready for Take Off      –

Categories
2024 – Winter

“Shall Statues Overturn?”

Author: Anonymous

I have been thinking of museums of the mind and of the art in my head. 

When I looked this morning at those pristine buildings with marble statues, I was faced back with a sort of blankness. As if every colour on a palette had been mixed and created a white of the purest kind, where one would have expected brown to appear. 

The statues were in a row. Two pairs of two, flanking the sides of the front facade. They acted as columns, supporting the weight of the entire roof upon their shoulders. What dignity, what pride, what strength… what made them bear it all so easily? Was it their doubling, the fact that they could see themselves physically in someone else? 

Would I be surer of myself, if I had such a presence to affirm my own existence? 

But, then what… obsessed with my own image, a Narcissus of some sort? No, becoming a flower was decidedly not the aim, though it would not be the most disagreeable fate of all. 

And oh, to be a tree… like statues, immobile. But they spoke if you knew how to listen. I used to talk to a tree in my schoolyard as a child, and she talked back. I cried all the tears in my body when they cut her down.

They would not cut down these statues, I thought. Monuments were built to last. Not like little children’s dreams.

Below those statue columns, I saw a mother and her son on the left and a man holding a sword on the right. As stoic as stone, he was every virtue personified.

And the mother?

She was smiling, seeming happy. “’ Seeming’, Madam? Nay, it is”

Was she happier than the statues of the Virgin Mary? In her quiet, unknown love, not one of public property – not placed in cathedrals and sung to, nor on little altars in Italian houses. Standing on a tall facade, looked at, but rarely talked to. 

Who would talk to statues anyway… they’re all dead. 

But shall they overturn, shall they rise? I would like to hear them speak, of faraway lands and of languages long extinguished. Would they even be bound by our time? 

Just like Adam and Eve were born of clay, we could become statues when we die. Not in the way the so-called “great men” do. Not in a cold, dead way. We could be of cracked stone, and smile to the wind, and let the birds sit on our shoulders. We could then whisper to the people passing by words of wisdom, and give them a little luck, for their lovelorn lives. 

Yes, I have been thinking of where museums begin and where they end, and I now think I know. I shall whisper it in your ear, somewhere, sometime, soon. 

Images: ©️ Anonymous author
Images: ©️ Anonymous author

Images: © Anonymous author

Categories
2024 – Winter

Phantom

Author: Chloé Leresche

[Content warning: blood and gore depictions, physical injuries, death/death of child]

She tries to cry out, but it is swallowed by the wet and harsh fabric. Her movements too, restrained by the drapes, drowning her in her panicked heat and cold sweat. She has to go find him. She must. He was right there, going into the woods. She fights, her frustrated and desperate groans increasing as she suffocates in the darkness that envelops her, crushes her. She must catch him before he goes. She must save him. He’s so small, the forest is going to eat him. 

The breath leaves her lungs as she meets the ground. For a moment, all is quiet, and only the heavy dark exists above her. There is nothing, and he is not here. Only then does she feel the cold lurking, sliding on her skin as would the embrace of a dead man, biting in her flesh under her sweat. Her son is not here. The gasping breath she takes feels like void filing her lungs, like toxic mist, making its painful way through her insides, to her rotten liver. 

The floor under her is hard, flat, steady. You are not outside. You are not with him. You are just lying there, a miserable, pitiful childless mother. Slowly, she raises her arm, and, as if it was waiting for her to calm down, the drape swipes gently to the ground. Now free, she puts her hand on her stomach. She does not wince under the cold contact of those lifeless fingers; she does not tremble as the cold kisses her all. She lies there for a while, staring at a cold dark that does not look back at her. 

Like a phantom, she gets up, and quietly, she leaves. 

She is awakened by the sun, this time. She sees it through her closed eyelids, feels it warming up hair. Then the sounds come to her, the birds’ distant but beautiful songs and the gentle touch of the leaves dancing in unison. She can smell the moss before even opening her eyes. There is a bit of morning dew on her dress and shoulders, small droplets. Some ants are walking down her bony arm, and there are other insects on her, tickling her, already claiming her body. 

A shadow passes by, behind some bushes, not far. It is quiet and light, innocent. It stops for an instant, and the small head of a young doe appears, framed by the vibrant green leaves. Its curious eyes judge her, body ready to jump and run away, but not too fearful, almost playful, even. For a moment, all is quiet, and only exist the fawn, herself, and the rays of light filtering through the tall trees above. Is this what the medieval poets envisioned, speaking of virgins and unicorns in clearings? The fawn spooks and runs. 

Like a phantom, she gets up, and quietly, she follows. She sees him from afar; frail silhouette standing before the cliff. The wind will catch him, it will grab his young limbs and throw him to his death. She calls him, yells, cries out, but the wind grabs her words, laughs at it and brushes it away. She runs, but the wind pushes back, not even bothered by her, not anything. He does not hear her, and she can only watch as the wind takes her son’s hand gently and whispers to him: “Fly.”. 

She opens her eyes in a gasp that is not quite hers. Completely still. For a moment, all is quiet, and only exists the blue of the sky above and the mocking laughter of the wind. 

She feels her crushed bones, her bleeding organs, her ribcage intertwined with her son’s, his bones puncturing her lungs. She found him, she’s happy. The wind got them, it’s happy. 

A phantom, she gets up, and quietly, she disappears.