2024 – Spring

Dear Felicity – A Literary Advice Column

Dear Felicity,

I have had a bunch of issues lately. It all started after dad died and his ghost paid me a visit to tell me that, wait-for-it, my uncle, his own brother killed him! And then ghost-dad asked me to avenge his death. Now, killing a man is really hard and I’ve been procrastinating on it for a while, but then, when I finally found the guts to do it, I accidently killed my girlfriend’s dad instead! Can you believe it?? Oh, and speaking of my girlfriend, she drowned herself yesterday… What am I to do Felicity?!

Yours truly,


Dear Master-procrastinator-killer-boy,

Wow, I must say, that is some rough stuff you have going on and I’m sorry to hear about all your losses! I heard two of your friends came to pay you a visit, which sounds quite nice of them. Maybe you should go and hang out with them. It sounds like you need a solid emotional support system to get you through this and prevent you from hurting anyone else in the process. And I know this will be hard to hear, but killing another person won’t make you feel any better about your father’s death, so perhaps you should set that quest aside.

All best,


Dearest Felicity,

I hope you are doing quite well. I’m writing to you because I have this huge dilemma. You see, my boyfriend and I have been given this wonderful opportunity to live freely in this exquisit, heaven-like garden, and honestly I could have never felt happier than I do right now. But there’s this one tree’s fruit that we’re not supposed to eat and all, but then I saw this beautiful and eloquent snake that kept tempting me to eat it and share it with my babe too! Now, I don’t want to upset the big guy upstairs, but that fruit smells sooooo goooood, I’m dying to taste it! Plus, it turns out that it might make me smarter! So why not go for it…? What’s the worst thing that could happen to me if I disobey?

Yours respectfully,


Dear Fruit-craving-girl,

I feel you, just by reading your letter I’ve been craving for that piece of fruit too! But are you sure you want to take advice from some random snake? I don’t know about you, but that guy sounds sketchy to me. Listen, you don’t want you and your hubby to get into any trouble, right? So, do the right thing, and listen to the big guy upstairs and continue living happily with your boyfriend! It would be such a pity if you lost what you have and, oh I don’t know, got kicked out of that scrumptious garden!

All best,


Dear Felicity,

My uncle has this fascinating naughty brother who I’m completely in love with even thought for a while I had never known him until today and we got engaged! But then I met this chick, who I thought was going to become my new best friend (other than the bees that I talk to and the trees I climb on) until I found out that she was engaged to my dear boy too!! What shall I do Felicity?? The bees are as speechless as I am!


The girl with the bees in the trees

Dearest girl with the bees in the trees,

This sounds like quite a situation! Are you two sure you are engaged to the same man? Perhaps it’s all a big misunderstanding. Why don’t you both try and talk to your fiancé(s) and see what they say? I’m sure things will work out just as they should. Congratulations on your engagement and say “Hi” to the bees for me!

Best of luck,


2022 - Spring

Late Night Wedding Menu Translating

Author: Regan Agrey

For the first time in MUSE, we are publishing a wedding menu! Regan’s message will explain its… creative translations. We had a good laugh reading it and we hope you will too! You will find the French original right below the menu in English.

Regan’s message:
“I don’t know if you’ve ever planned a wedding but if you have then you know that there are a billion different details that you have to think of to make sure everything is ready. Menu translating was at the bottom of my list and I begrudgingly did it last minute, way too late at night, half asleep on my bed with my wife-to-be. Our guests got a kick out of it so I thought that I’d share it with [MUSE].”



Some kind of Gruyère cheese with some carrots, celery and leek Eggplant saucy thing and some crunchy parmesan love
Vegetable in a soupy Gaspacho
Salad with a bunch of fancy words…basically some sauce and pecans with an eatable flower


Rollin’ pasta with ricotta, Popeye’s spinach and the creamiest of cheese
Hearty pasta drowning in safran
Shots of guacamole for everyone, bruschetta, and a buffalo mozzarella ball
Spoon full of balsamic vinaigrette bubbles (quite nice actually!)
The cherriest of tomatoes with the greenest of olives
Chiacchiere “La vita e bella con Rak & Reg”


Raspberry sorbet
(with the choice of wildness in the air… alcohol)


Mapley, cinnamony and gingery on top of some beef Seasoned juice…?
Grilled almonds hanging out with some apricot
Potato bake with some kind of french cheese : The reblochon
The whitest asparagus you know vs the greenest and meanest asparagus with special guests carrot and green bean


Or replace your meat with
PETA certified, 100% meatless lasagna
(no animals were harmed in the making of this lasagna)


Some fluffed mango and passion fruit relaxing on some coconut
Mom’s crunchiest dark chocolate
Wild berries invaded by Crème brûlée, vanilla style


Creamy chicken pasta


I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!


French original:



Terrine de gruyère en mille feuilles aux carottes, céleri et poireaux
Caviar d’aubergine et tuiles de parmesan
Gaspacho aux petits légumes
Salade de jeunes pousses, huile de noisette et vinaigre de xérès
Noix de pécan et orchidée karma


Roulé de pâte à la ricotta et épinard, crème de fromage
Coeur de pâte crème de safran
Verrine de guacamole, tartare de tomate, boule de mozzarella buffala
Cuillère de caviar de vinaigre balsamique
Tomates grappes et olives vertes
Chiachéré “La vita e bella con Rak & Reg”

Sorbet arrosé
(Framboise / Alcool de framboises sauvages)


Noix de veau de lait au sirop d’érable, cannelle et gingembre
Jus aux épices
Abricot moelleux et amandes grillées
Gratin de pomme de terre au reblochon
Asperge blanche vs asperge verte, accompagnées de carotte fane et de haricots verts


Ou remplace ta viande avec
Lasagne aux bons légumes
(aucun animal n’a été blessé pour faire cette lasagne)


Mousse à la mangue sur un lit de noix de coco et fruits de la passion
Croquant au chocolat noir
Mousse fruits rouges incrusté de crème brûlée à la vanille


Emincé de volaille à la crème, coquillettes au beurre



2022 - Spring


Author: Katharina Schwarck


2. Last name of the author of “Bright Star”.
4. The Faculty of Arts’ favourite animal.
7. One of the three rivers on campus. It is the Western-most river of the three. It has its source near Cheseaux.
11. Last name of the author of “Recitatif” and “Beloved”.
12. Le Château de …….
13. UNIL’s shepherd, Bob ……
14. The linguist who theorised the cooperative principle and the eponymous maxims.


1. The English students’ association.
3. The number of printed MUSE editions there have been, including this one.*
5. One of the three rivers on campus. Etymologically, this river’s name means “crayfish river”.
6. Virginia Woolf’s androgynous character.
7. UNIL’s favourite animal.
8. William Warder’s last name. You know, the guy who created the publishing house that’s responsible for all the big books we have to buy in first year.
9. The Canadian city Cécile Heim went to on exchange during her MA.*
10. Harry Potter’s owl.
11. One of the three rivers on campus. This river is the only one that does not have a metro stop named after it.

Clues marked with a * correspond to answers that can be found in this edition of MUSE.


2. Keats
4. Fox
7. Sorge
11. Morrison
12. Dorigny
13. Martin
14. Grice

3. Sixteen*
5. Chamberonne
6. Orlando
7. Sheep
8. Norton
10. Hedwig
11. Mèbre