Dear Felicity,
I have had a bunch of issues lately. It all started after dad died and his ghost paid me a visit to tell me that, wait-for-it, my uncle, his own brother killed him! And then ghost-dad asked me to avenge his death. Now, killing a man is really hard and I’ve been procrastinating on it for a while, but then, when I finally found the guts to do it, I accidently killed my girlfriend’s dad instead! Can you believe it?? Oh, and speaking of my girlfriend, she drowned herself yesterday… What am I to do Felicity?!
Yours truly,
Master-procrastinator-killer-boy
Dear Master-procrastinator-killer-boy,
Wow, I must say, that is some rough stuff you have going on and I’m sorry to hear about all your losses! I heard two of your friends came to pay you a visit, which sounds quite nice of them. Maybe you should go and hang out with them. It sounds like you need a solid emotional support system to get you through this and prevent you from hurting anyone else in the process. And I know this will be hard to hear, but killing another person won’t make you feel any better about your father’s death, so perhaps you should set that quest aside.
All best,
Felicity
Dearest Felicity,
I hope you are doing quite well. I’m writing to you because I have this huge dilemma. You see, my boyfriend and I have been given this wonderful opportunity to live freely in this exquisit, heaven-like garden, and honestly I could have never felt happier than I do right now. But there’s this one tree’s fruit that we’re not supposed to eat and all, but then I saw this beautiful and eloquent snake that kept tempting me to eat it and share it with my babe too! Now, I don’t want to upset the big guy upstairs, but that fruit smells sooooo goooood, I’m dying to taste it! Plus, it turns out that it might make me smarter! So why not go for it…? What’s the worst thing that could happen to me if I disobey?
Yours respectfully,
Fruit-craving-girl
Dear Fruit-craving-girl,
I feel you, just by reading your letter I’ve been craving for that piece of fruit too! But are you sure you want to take advice from some random snake? I don’t know about you, but that guy sounds sketchy to me. Listen, you don’t want you and your hubby to get into any trouble, right? So, do the right thing, and listen to the big guy upstairs and continue living happily with your boyfriend! It would be such a pity if you lost what you have and, oh I don’t know, got kicked out of that scrumptious garden!
All best,
Felicity
Dear Felicity,
My uncle has this fascinating naughty brother who I’m completely in love with even thought for a while I had never known him until today and we got engaged! But then I met this chick, who I thought was going to become my new best friend (other than the bees that I talk to and the trees I climb on) until I found out that she was engaged to my dear boy too!! What shall I do Felicity?? The bees are as speechless as I am!
Sincerely,
The girl with the bees in the trees
Dearest girl with the bees in the trees,
This sounds like quite a situation! Are you two sure you are engaged to the same man? Perhaps it’s all a big misunderstanding. Why don’t you both try and talk to your fiancé(s) and see what they say? I’m sure things will work out just as they should. Congratulations on your engagement and say “Hi” to the bees for me!
Best of luck,
Felicity
