2019 - Winter

A Usual Christmas Dinner

Image: ‘Girl!#1’© Martin Micewicz – Source: CC Licence

Author: Leah Juliette Didisheim

Trigger Warning: this text contains mentions of sexual harassment

The bells are ringing. It’s really cold, it’s probably going to snow very soon. The air is dry, my cheeks are coloured in a nice pink. I’m shivering. That’s why I’m hurrying along the street. That’s really important: I’m hurrying to arrive at the door at the end of the road because I’m cold and not because I’m excited to get there. I don’t want to fake it. I don’t want to pretend one more time. I reached the point where I don’t want to see my family anymore. Don’t misunderstand me, I love my family. There is just this one person who I profoundly dislike.

It’s always the same, I ring the bell, he answers the door. “Hi my lovely. So nice to see you. I really missed you. I guess you’ll just have to make up for it this evening.” he says, sending his putrid breath on me. I smile and I get inside. “Not that quickly” he breathes in my ear grabbing my ass. I bite my teeth and do as if nothing happened. When I finally get rid of him, I know I won’t have much time before he comes back. So I go and hug my cousins, they grew up so much, it makes me nostalgic. I finish saying hi to everybody. I don’t have the time to sit down that he calls me to help him in the kitchen. Nobody suspects anything. I grit, smile and leave my family behind. I know what’s waiting for me in there but what am I supposed to do? He tries to grab my breasts and kisses my neck. I feign going to the bathroom. I take out a tissue to wipe the tears rolling on my cheeks.             
Dinner is ready. I’m not hungry. I go anyway. I eat what this disgusting creature made. He makes jokes. “When will you bring your girlfriend, we’re all very excited to finally meet her.” As if. As if I was going to bring the only person I want to spend my life with at this horrible table. He made me hate seeing my family. He made me hate boys. “I don’t know, she’s quite busy this time of year.” He seems satisfied with my answer. Of course it’s a trick, he wants me for himself.
We painfully reach the pudding. Honestly, how long do people take to eat a piece of cake? He keeps looking at me, touching my legs under the table. His wife, next to him, is way too obsessed with the children putting chocolate everywhere. There he is, sexually harassing me under the nose of everybody, my face decomposing and he evilly smiles and nobody gives a shit about it. The coffees arrive. That’s it, the time I always escape. I pretend that I have to wake up early the next day. I say a general goodbye to everybody. Like this, I don’t have to get near him again this evening. Until next year. I open the door, walk on the porch, close it behind me and I finally breathe.

I finished walking. I’m in front of this nightmary house. I put on my happy face. I ring the doorbell. He opens. “Happy Christmas uncle.” I enter smiling and he closes the door behind me, his eyes eating me alive.

  • If you relate to the main character, or if in any way you experience/have experienced something similar, or you know someone who has, please check this website: This is a serious issue and should not be taken lightly. Take care of yourselves!

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